I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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