i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
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Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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