So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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