pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
