he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
