I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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