she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Fuck appropriateness.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
