my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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