drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
