it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
