i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
being pregnant is like rehab
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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