so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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