so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
