I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
