meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
