How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
