I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
