he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
