i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
