He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
