Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
