I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You are a booty call, not a friend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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