I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
