the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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