So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
