Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
