Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
