That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
