Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
