Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
