Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
