piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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