ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
