I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
