Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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