Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
