Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
