The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
