I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
