Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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