I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
