the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
