i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
