YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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