Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
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is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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