I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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