My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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