PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
