I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
