we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Four minutes until I can fart!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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