Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
