so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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