How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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