We're like a lot better than the average bears
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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