just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
