im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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