I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
