You work out of a Hotel?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
