Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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