i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
