I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
