i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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