Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
