david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
