just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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