Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
