so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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